Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
