U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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