her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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