The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
