I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
