I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
