Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
