Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
