He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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