Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
