If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
