He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
