I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
