if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
