I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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