vagina is talking i cant
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Use "feeling words"
Yay
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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