I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
