if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
