We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
