Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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