Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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