i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
