I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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