Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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