pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
