imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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