I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
