dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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