Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
