just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
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Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
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