and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
