How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Damn victory sex feels great
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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