Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize