Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
