I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
