peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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