Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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