I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
