he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
