So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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