so that wasnt chicken after all
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
