Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
