I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
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This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
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There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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