while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
