This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
