She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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