and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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