i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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