it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
