i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
