And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
