We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize