Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
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Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
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Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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