I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
