i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
