am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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