you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
