my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Congratulations! We have a period
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
