she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
