Pants 0. Shit 1.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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