And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
