dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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