at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
