your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
