I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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