They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
