Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
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We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
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I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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