Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
