I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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