Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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